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Mask It

11/24/2015

Holidays are often times meant for looking back, maybe even comparing where you are now to where you used to be. I just never imagined I’d be coming into a holiday where looking back would make me long for a way to right things. I enter this Thanksgiving at a level in my life I have never experienced before.

The past 5 months have been difficult in ways I cannot even begin to describe, and when holidays, family gatherings, and social interactions are thrust into the forefront, the difficulties are compounded tenfold.

Put on a smile, say little, be jovial, and appear content.
Don’t let anyone see past the façade.
Don’t talk about yourself or anything that could invite a comment.
Don’t react when you hear others talking about a sensitive subject.
Be sterile.
If the subject comes up, feign disinterest, nonchalance, and confidence.

Exist to exist and get by; what every day feels like. It’s becoming harder and harder to suppress the negativity in my thoughts, and a time when everyone else seems so happy and joyous only serves to make the blade sharper.

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